Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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