We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
