okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
