alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
