sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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