Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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