I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
