I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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