it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
