I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
