just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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