I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i believe in u and ur pee
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
