Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
