Barsexuality is the new black.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
