I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
