He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
