I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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