NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
