I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
