Hey man sorry I got all grabby
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
