Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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