Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
