i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
