He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
