And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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