Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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