i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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