I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
