Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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