Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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