omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
