We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
