i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
