You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
