I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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