I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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