You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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