she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
