My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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