youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
