her vagina looked like bernie madoff
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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