you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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