Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
