allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
