Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
