How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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