remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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