on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize