I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
