I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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