Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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