he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
