I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
