I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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