Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
