Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
