Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
