nut hugger
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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