She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
