Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
