I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
