I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
